My Journal

I was thinking today as I was having my one piece of toast with cashew butter, hemp hearts, carrot juice, and Chaga Tea, why do I post what I post?
I answered my question pretty darn quickly. I do it because I love to write and share, and I hope that it may help others.
When we share our stories, we share with others our vulnerability, our humility, and our humanity. It is what we have done since the dawn of time. Our ancestors drew pictures on cave walls; we have sand scripts, books, recordings, and blogs that tell us of stories from people of the past, present, and maybe the future. If you think about it, we all journal in some way.
My beliefs, my decisions, my heartfelt feelings I pour onto these pages, not for approval but to be able to look back and see where I have come from. And it seems from the comments I get that my words touch the heart of others. I believe everyone should journal their thoughts, their goal, their wants and desires, and in a few months or even the first of the year, go back and see what happen and how life changed.
My life has changed so much, maybe not on the outside for everyone to see, but deep in the nooks and cranes of my inner self. I write from that place, that deep dark center where most are scared to let others see.
But why would we feel that way?
As I sit and meditate, I find that I travel back to specific places in my past that don’t seem to have come out the way I had once seen. It is like I need to relive that memory, love the memory, and honor that memory. I feel like they were missed opportunities because of my limited thoughts and beliefs at that time.
I recently had one of those memories come up the other day.
I want to share the story with you.
It was about 23 years ago, and I was in a real low spot in my life. I was in and out of a very toxic relationship with my now ex-husband. I was fighting to be seen as an equal and not a useless piece of meat that had no feelings. I was coming from a place of fear of being a woman who felt like she was nothing and had no right to feel like she could be more than she was. He and I were like Oil and water and never could mesh well together.
We were not helping each other grow. We were tearing each other and our kids apart.
I found the ole AOL internet and got on some chat groups and loved that I could find like-minded people as well as some virtual hugs and support.
I do believe that spirit works through electronics just as she can speak from a book, a song, a breeze, or the sound of nature. She always speaks; we only need to awaken to her voice.
I do not believe that anything happens just by chance, all is meant to be, and we have the choice to either help it continues to grow or let it drift off and move on. Energy never dies; it moves on.
I found a great person who was having some hard times as well, but it wasn’t the hard times that brought us together; it was all that we had in common, and that energetic feeling that we had known each other many times before.
The feeling that we have lived many lifetimes together always comes to my mind.
I believe love can be so intense that it can cause fear. I believe love can travel from long distances and even throughout time and space.
Even though love is the best feeling in the world, the old stories of who we are or were can cause us distress and make us run away from the very things we want and wish for in fear.
As my relationship died with my ex, my heart blossomed from the love, acceptance, and the light energy that reminded me of a place I knew and cherished but was not able to get to yet. I know I come from a place of love I am love, and all things can change with love.
I believe we all come here having chosen the people the places as well as having choices as we experience this world. Life is intentions.
The energy we have feels like coming home from a long vacation; the times that we were able to spend together were both scary yet exciting.
I think that those feelings, like the soft kisses the cherished hand-holding, the heaven on earth energy, can become all too overwhelming for some. When we do not come from a place of self-love and trust as our foundation, we can come from a place of fear, limitation, and not from a place of unconditional faith and love from within.
It is easier to pull away and run when we feel out of control. It is hard to let go and flow with life as it ebbs and flows around us. Too soon does the limited thought and stories come in and take away the love and image we saw and wanted.
It is easier to allow fear to distract us from the gut instinct we were feeling. Once these limiting beliefs enter, we will enable the mind to tell us of misinformation, and we allow that energy to flow away.
Why do we run or sabotage ourselves from the love that challenges that which we are in belief of, that we think is right, but deep down, we know it is not? Why do we defend our fears and limitations?
I believe it is because we are taught not to trust our thoughts and feelings. It is easier to control those who do not believe in themselves.
Even though I still touch that love, I taste it lightly and then find that it ebbs once more. I don’t know why it will not grow? If I had to guess, it might not be me that won’t allow it to be. And there is nothing wrong with that. We are here to learn.
That is the one thing about this world that you can count on, that we are caught sometimes in the currents of other people’s energy waves. It takes two to nurture and help cultivate it.
We all have freedom of choice, so even though there is a heart to heart connection, it may not be how that part of my story continues. Who knows as the waves of life ebb and flow. That energy may continue to kiss and run, as my life goes on. And to be truthful, I am okay with that.
So tell your stories your ups and your downs, keep flowing with this life, and learn as you grow through these trials and tribulations. Life is always moving, and you can proceed with it or be left behind. There is no wrong or right. There is only being in that moment.

Oh, one thing more, I was asked how do I know these things to be true? Where do I get my information?
To answer your question, I get them from my heart, I get them from the energy that is me, and I hear from spirit as she speaks to me always. I only share my thoughts, my feelings my being.

These thoughts are my virtual journal.


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