Add Love here

The one thing I have noticed here lately in my life is the willingness to live a life in my past  Those thoughts of what should have been might have been, that may have been, that you wanted to be. I have learned that no matter what I thought it should have been like it was never guaranteed to be mine.

No matter how we thought it all would work out, it just wasn’t ever guaranteed. That’s a hard pill to swallow.  There were so many things that happened in my life that I thought would come true and some did. There were other things I wanted so much, and they never transpired.  Even with a dream board, a lite candle and all the prayers you can rattle off, they just did not come to fruition.

I think the worse feeling in the world is when your expectation goes “POP,” and you sit there with all the tiny pieces trying to understand what the heck happened.  There seems to be this evil you feel as you look at the shattered remains of what you had hoped would have turned out differently.    Ohh to be alive becomes yet another path of rough terrain as you try and make it to the top of that proverbial mountain, without becoming bogged down from the many disappointments of the expectations you once had.

I like to allow others to be them and be happy for them as they go through their life.  I don’t want to tell others how they should act or be.  I wish that were true of all living beings.

When it comes to those of us who are journeying with an illness, there are those around me who I feel have no compassion or care for what I am dealing with.  My biggest complaint on this part of my story is that no matter how you treat others who are sick, you will come across those who are heartless when it comes to thinking about others.  I have had to defend my self endlessly on this subject.  No one wants to take the time to look up what one has and educate themselves on what I may be going through.  WHY!!??

Why are we too busy or too lazy to look up and educate ourselves on what others may be dealing with?  NOT that you should be out there looking up what Joe Blow off the street has, or maybe you should, but what about your family members, your BFF.  How about taking time off the social media and giving a thought to a struggling loved one??

My stepson and his wife said and did some pretty hurtful things while staying with us.  I would never have done what they did.  In fact, my stepson has chemically induced asthma from the military.  I would never make him feel bad for having this illness.  Yet he and his wife made it a point to let me know how much they were hurt when I was too ill to be around them.  I make it a point to stay away from others so they don’t have to see me deal with all the pain I do every day.   It’s hard to be around others while in so much pain.  They made me feel bad for taking time away to help myself.  WHY? I don’t know I am not them.

I am a rare person indeed.  I am so honest I can make some people very uncomfortable.  I can read others like a new book, and I can tell you they don’t like their stuff read. I work with foods like an artist with a blank canvas.  I love natural medicines and listen to nature instead of a radio.  I have seen where this pisses off a lot of close people in my life off.  I am not one to fight, but if pushed I will push back, strongly.  I love to be alone, and I like my company.  Not many people can say that about themselves, I have found.

I have been through some very harsh hurts, and I still love.  To be alive for some is too hard for them to deal with. Even I have a hard time with being alive in love with life while in pain.   

I am here to live one moment at a time.  There is nothing guaranteed ever in life.  Life is being alive today this moment, this second.  Life is having compassion for yourself which helps you have compassion for others.  I can take responsibility for my actions, I have found I am more aware of life in general. I am more mindful of the pain in the world, and I do not add to that pain.  NOT many can say that they practice that one.

To not add to the hurts of the world. WOW, what a concept.  What if we all practiced that one into law.   If I can’t fix it, then I don’t add to it.  I think it is more loving to walk away from a situation than to add more hurt.  How about we allow others to be them and you be you.  If you don’t agree with it, shut up and walk away! 

Be kind and educate yourself so you can understand what a loved one is going through.

My one wish for this planet, this school, this life.  To have more understanding towards yourself so you can have more understanding for this place we all share.


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