I don’t know if it is the progesterone therapy or the spiritual change that I am going through, but a lot of emotional crap from my past, which I thought I had dealt with keeps coming up. I see a lot of crap here in the present as well.  I see others are seeing what I see as well.  Most of those people just turn on the tv or try and distract themselves from the pain they see in other, but there are a few of us who are trying to heal and continue on as we feel all that these emotions as they bubble up.  Not a great feeling though!

Then there are those who we look to for encouragement, love, compassion, strength or just some listening care.  I have found that quite a few do a drive-by caring as I call it.  You tell them that you are in pain and hurting and you get a brief hey I am praying for you, or they change the subject to one that has no way of showing you that they are even listening let alone caring.

My children, as well as other family members, are some of those drive-by cares.  Even though I let my family know what I will be going up against as I try this new therapy, I get that speeding car that slashes up water all over you mentality.  I stand there open mouthed looking at them waiting to see if they can recognize what they just did.  I just don’t understand why we are so disconnected from those we say we care for.  I have gotten to the point where I feel used more times than not.

I love the meme I came across yesterday, and I think I shall be implementing it into my own life.  I know all those who have gotten used to my meek ways will see me as the wicked witch but, as they all say to me as I go through my trials and tribulations…I’m praying for you or the more popular thought for the day, you’ll be okay!

Meme: If something isn’t sitting right with you, it’s not right. Let your gut lead the way & remove yourself from the situation.  @happsters

That brings up the question, Do we come here to Earth to find a way of becoming hard of heart?

The putrid way this world treats one another is beyond comprehending to me. I can’t believe the un-care and drive by care I see in this world.  There is no more contact like there was 20 years ago, we now get a lame email or text that is supposed to make us feel better.  I don’t like it, in fact, if I could, I would remove all these devices from my life.  I hate to get those lame no thought put into messages.  It’s to bad that you have to pay your bills via email instead of the USPS.  I am not some old minded person,  I just feel that human touch is disappearing and our kids will never honestly see the care that a handwritten word effects a person.

It’s not easy to express your feelings in letter form.  It’s easy to use that recommended sentence that pops up in your email browser than to think up something for yourself.  Don’t sit there deny it, we all have used that, (I love that!) pop up suggestion.  Let’s get real here, it’s easier to go by and like a meme or a picture than to call up that friend and tell them you like it! It’s easy to tell someone you will pray for them or send them a silly thing in messenger than to give them a call and tell them you are there for them.  Our world is becoming feeling sterile.

I am not picking on anyone person these things are said over and over even on the pages of my friends, family, and coworkers.  It is a wake-up call for me!!

Last night as I was doing my nightly prayer,  as I listen to the heartbreak I told God, I could see his face as tears streamed down.  It is hard to tell God that the only thing you are seeing and the feeling is the depth of despair, the putrid way people are treating one another, the horrible way the world is being handled.  The actual terrorism that I have to pay for every time they take a chunk out of my paycheck for medical care.  The horrors that modern medicine gets to inflict and get away with because of the corruption of the law.

Yet thousands are dying or being maimed in the name of science fiction that the medical society has fed the dummy down society!  Oh, the Horrors I told the LORD! Here my house has pages of self-help books, cards of uplifting thoughts, stones to help navigate the negativities as well as sticky notes of encouragement all over my home.  Yet, as I close my eyes for the night all I can see and feel is the pain of this world as it bellows.  I wake up screaming as I grab for my pillows.  My life is…………..

This blog isn’t encouraging, it is pretty ugly and sincere.  I can not paint a pretty picture today.  I have to tell it like I see it.  I see a world that is ugly and dismal, I can not pretend and suck it up.  I need to vomit it out and let it go, it is killing me, and I don’t know what to do.

I know I am not alone, and there will be those of you who will read this and agree, I am not looking for agreement I am looking for a change.  I want to see fewer thumbs up and more deep soul conversations.  I don’t want to know that you will pray for me, sorry but that doesn’t give me a warm fuzzy, it just makes me feel like you are saying it, so I’ll shut up.  I am not picking on only one person, I hear this all the time around me.  Would you want to be dropped on your arse by three little words of encouragement when in pain or having a hard time? I have a love of God, the universe, the all-knowing,  that is why I am typing this.  I want to hear that more people are calling, and sharing comfort.

I want to see big pharma fall, lousy medicine practice disappear, people getting real with one another, families being families, neighbors being neighbors, friends being friends.  The time of lack and not communicating killing all that listed above.  It is easy in today’s world for children to treat parents with no care, it’s to easy to ignore the human need for compassion. It is easy to forget care, the nurturing, the memories of love.

It has to stop, and the only way that is going to happen is when someone steps up and says, enough drive-by caring.  If you can’t really be there for me, then don’t pretend to care, just to get me to shut up or go away.

As I feel my heart atrophy, I feel my hope and faith die.  As I start to drift off and withdrawal from people, places, and things, I find my dreams and happiness slip away.  We are all connected, so as those of us who care, and have been called overly sensitive, die off, we will see more ugliness happen in our own lives.  It is like the planet as it floods, dries up and becomes sick so too shall we become unhealthy, flooded, and dry.  It will touch your life, and not in a right way.

It’s like hanging off a cliff and trying so hard not to lose your grip.  If I don’t stand here and scream out and try to show others what is happening, then I will disappear with the love that is going faster than the glaciers.

Think about this, if we continue like we are, not caring for those around us, what will we have down the road? I can guarantee you it won’t be peace, happiness, love and all that positive shit! You will be left with the horrible, the unkind, the selfish the liars, the takers and the list goes on.  It takes change from within, and that change is reflected outward. Those who ignore, hurt, are selfish, non-caring, un-listeners, drive-by carers, are the ones we need to worry about. Those are the ones we need to awaken.

Those who overly share, make us feel outside our comfort zone, who love us even when we feel like we shouldn’t be, give us way more attention that we think we deserve, those are the ones we need to nurture and encourage to grow. Am I one of these people I just described? DUH, I care with abundance, I love hard, I support, I teach the power to heal, I feel a deep understanding.   Are you a carer or a drive-by carer?