The woman in the mirror

I was cleaning up in my room and felt thinner, I felt like I had lost some inches.  Bear in mind, I have been overweight much of my life.

I have struggled with Lyme Disease since I was sixteen, and I have never felt well. I didn’t know I had Lyme until I was in my 50’s, but as I look back and as I recover, I can see all the symptoms being Lyme.  I was later diagnosed by a chiropractor.  No, no test shows that you have Lyme Disease.  You may show enough antibodies, but still, that is not a for sure diagnosis, according to the CDC.  Lyme Disease Mimics your own body cells and hides in biofilm where it can stay for years.  Lyme can act like many different illnesses.

Can I spout off a bunch of medical terms and put out both sides of the controversy that surrounds Lyme? Sure I can, but I won’t, if you want to know more there are books and documents out there that you can read about Lyme Disease.

I got caught up in modern medicine and ended up on many different meds.  All that put more weight and caused more symptoms.  I was at my heaviest weight a little over 400 lbs.  I knew I was heading for Type II diabetes and heart problems.  My hormones were a mess from a Hysterectomy.  I did not want a Hysterectomy but woke to have been castrated.   I even told my doctor no before surgery. She is under the protection of the law and did what she wanted. It was all about money, not my health.   I will never understand why a doctor who swore to an oath, to do no more harm, did precisely that!

I had depression, and many different ailments, throughout my life, but had no idea it was from the Lyme Disease. After having the hysterectomy where I woke up during the surgery, I developed PTSD and was put on Xanax. I became addicted to Xanax and started to have withdrawal symptoms while taking it.  The doctor who did not know anything about the dangers of this drug kept upping the dosage.  I tried desperately to get off and even tried to see other doctors to help me wing off of them, but they too had no idea about this drug.   A mess up in prescriptions had me flagged as a drug addict, and since my usual doctor was off on vacation, I was dropped off the drug cold turkey.

I have written about this in the previous post.

It took me 7 years to get my life back from protracted withdrawal symptoms.  I still have issues with my brain.  I knew that I needed to make significant changes in my life, so I started by getting rid of all the sugar in my diet, I ate only whole foods, raw foods, and grass-fed organic beef.  I made sure I stopped all pharmaceuticals, not even a Tylenol. I stopped the flu shot about 10 years ago.  I stopped eating out at fast-food restaurants.

I had pushed myself through school for herbalism and Holistic care, I went to a Herbalist, and we started to detox my Liver and body. I began to meditate and learn about Energy healing.  I was still dealing with herxing reactions from coming off Xanax.  I had no energy, hurt all over, had insomnia, was not able to walk very far, I felt like gravity was always pulling me down. I had lost my ability to drive.  Not only all those symptoms were I suffering from, but I also had PTSD, anxiety, and panic attacks.  I was a mess, too say the least.

Life was a struggle, and I could feel I was losing the battle.  I was ready to die.  I made peace with that and just sat and waited for the end.  I had shut myself off from Spirit.

Now don’t get me wrong, I had tried to meditate, and I was trying my hardest to listen to the gurus out there, you know the ones who preach that it is so simple to change your life.  I mean, look at the mess they had been in and watch how they had changed their lives around.  Right??  I mean, if they can do it, and I follow all their steps, then I am sure to have the success they have.  NOPE!!

One day though, as I was scrolling through facebook, I came across a Naturopathic doctor from Canada.  I decided to watch one of his live Q&A posts.  I had this feeling I needed to ask him a question about what was happening to me.  I told him I had Lyme and what I was eating as well and trying really hard to exercise.  I will never forget how he answered my question.

He looked into his camera and asked me a question…” why do you hate yourself?” He asked, do you not know that you are worth the love you deserve?  He went on, “how much dead food do you need to eat before you feel alive”? I sat there in shock and started to cry! At first, my reaction was HOW dare you, How dare you! I have been struggling and trying, and I went to school to save my life, and you ask me if I love myself!!  I knew that some Lyme patients could not digest meat, but I wasn’t one of those guys!! Right??

I sat there with tears streaming down my face, I was so mad and so hurt.  How dare this stranger not be compassionate and be caring, how could he be so mean?!!  He continued on and told me what I already knew deep down.  I was meant to be happy and that I deserved to be loved and protected.    I had been conditioned not to care for myself, I was supposed to give my power to doctors and not realize I could heal myself.  I was under the belief that I was limited and supposed to live a fear-based life.  I could hear my soul scream!

I had been listening to RSB (Robert Scott Bell) for years, and he had been saying this, but it just hadn’t clicked in my brain. Yet the one question someone had never asked me was, why did I not love myself?

Why are we not taught how to care and love ourselves?? Modern medicine is not for the healing of the people, modern medicine is to keep you sick.

So that day, I got on Dr. Darrell Wolfe’s website and began my journey to taking back my power to heal.  I have since then learned how to make a perfect day diet, I have learned how to connect to my breath, I take herbs and drink lots of teas as well as structured water.  I am eating all Vegan.  I learned the Lionheart way of loving myself.   It all clicked.  I found my Spirit again and started energy healing as well as spiritual cleansing.  On my news feed on facebook, different people came up that helped me continue my new way of life.

So in nine months, this is what happened.   I lost 200 lbs as well as all the pain I had been suffering from.  I am sleeping at night, I can walk and run and play.  I talk to spirit every day.  The world is brand new, and most days, I find nothing but the beauty that is our world.  I love to play and be happy, but I also am very protective of myself.  I will never give my power away to anyone.

So as I stood in front of the mirror, I saw a new me.  I am thinner and happier.  I am energy and strength.  I saw a woman in that mirror that day I had never seen before.  Even though I had lost all that weight in my mind’s eye, I still saw that weak, fat woman.  For the very first time that morning, I was seeing a Wonder woman, a being of light made of love.  I was seeing myself for the first time as the person I should have been seeing.

I had found my true self that morning. I ran and got my phone and stood there in front of the mirror, with my messed up hair, and took a picture.  I fell in love with that woman that morning.  I can finally see in my mind’s eye the real me I was always supposed to see.

When I looked at the picture I took I was amazed to see I was pointing at me!  It was like my spirit is saying, you got this girl!!


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