How to deal with triggers caused by our past

So, what’s a trigger?  I believe a trigger is something that is said that causes a reaction, be it good or bad in any person.  I know from the work I am doing on myself that these triggers are from past stories we are always running subconsciously.  I have had many stories in my life that have not been that good.  We all come from messed up families, and that has been the cycle for ages.  My parents were messed up, so why would they have the know-how to raise my siblings and me any other way.  It is a messy cycle that we keep creating. “CREATING”  I am creating from a place that is messed up and so are you. If we want to create a happy life, we have to get into the deep dark place we all hide from.

Triggers were brought up the other day, on how to let go of an old story from the past.  I have been really striking out at my husband when he is home and feeling depressed around him. I would have pain in my right side, I would have digestive issues, and I would become sick.  I felt like every time he was home I was ill, when I was alone I would be well.  WHY? I know that anger causes issues in the liver.  So why was I angry, why was I becoming sick when he was home?  It was bizarre, but I saw a pattern here.

I am a stay at home mom (my kids are grown, but I have six little rescue dogs I mommy) who blogs and helps others learn how to heal naturally, but since I am not out there doing the nine to five routine, I felt like I was being judged by others.  As I sat down with these feelings and asked why it was like a bolt of lightning hit me.  For years the only way I was able to stay home was by being sick.  I got the love I was always searching for when I was younger.  I was causing myself to be ill, so I could justify being home.  I was reliving a past story, and it was affecting my life in the now.

I sat and cried for over fifteen minutes.  I was running an old program that was messing with me later in life.  I felt like I was not lovable or wanted because I was not out there working like I should. I was causing issues in my tissues because of the self-damning program I was running, from my childhood.  Once I knew what was going on, I could reprogram my story.  I said over and over again while breathing… “I don’t have to be sick to be home. I am loved because I love me.  It is okay to be happy at home and being me”.  I had to teach myself that I am loved no matter what I do. I said this over and over! I love being home, creating, writing, and helping others.  But I had to help myself first.

It is incredible how sitting, breathing deeply while loving yourself can erase a lifetime of pain from just one little memory or story your subconscious can be playing on you.  So when you get that trigger, sit down before you react and ask yourself. Why are you being triggered by this?

It is so liberating to find that we are creators.  I can create any life I choose.  I can react the way I want, and no outside influences have any power over me, that I don’t give them.  Life is hugely better when you wake up and shake off all the bullshit that has accumulated on your mind for ages.  It feels like you are a big ole grizzly waking up after a deep sleep to shake off the squirrels and Beatles that have made a home on you.  They fall off by the truckloads, and each shake makes you happier and lighter feeling.

When you learn how to fall in love with the person you indeed are, there is only one person who can take that away from you, and that is you!

I have found that I am a great person, I am not a sinner never was a sinner and never will be.  I am here on Earth to learn from my mistakes and to act on my own self. I am responsible for me, myself and I.  I do not have to live the drama of my family or friends.  I love and will do what I can if I can, but if I can not do anything that will not cause more harm, I am to mind my own business!!

The total opposite of what we are taught by our peers, parents, school, and religious institutions, HUH?  There are a lot of years there that were all lies.  Why do we teach hate and hurt?  Why do we not show how to love oneself?  Is it for the control of others that we are dummied down and prepared to disrespect ourselves as well as others?

Dr. Darrell Wolfe asked a fantastic question the other day on his post.  Why are kids loved until they can walk and then punished for being the little people they are?  Why do we teach them they are sinners, that will be judged by a God that has mental issues? Why are we angry at those who are happy and full of life?

I wonder why I felt like I needed to always find a way to justify being here in the world.  If I was not working or staying busy, I was called Lazy or that I didn’t care.  Why do I have to suffer to be seen!?  Why do I have to be sick to feel like I am? When you ask those deep dark questions, you find yourself mad and angry that you allowed anyone to hurt you so deeply!

As a child we really didn’t have a choice though, you really do have to forgive your parents because they were as messed up like everyone else.  Their parents were the same way. I forgive my mom and Dad, no, I do not have any relationship with them, but that is okay.  I do not have to be friends with them, I do not owe them, or they owe me.  I am grateful for them for helping me to learn that I do not have to repeat their mistakes.  I can forget all they taught me and help break that family curse that has been handed down for generations.

I love me, I am so beautiful and magical, and I can show my kids that they are fantastic no matter what they do or chose in this lifetime.  There is no wrong way to experience life! The judgment that we see in this world is from the jealousy of those who wish they knew how to be free from the constraints they believe are on them.

I believe I came here to learn to remember who I really am.

I am a sparkle of Love that came from a spirit that is all love.  My soul came here to learn how to live in this messed up world.  This world is a game, and we can create our game any way we want.

It really is that easy, we can create the day we want just by loving ourselves.  It will be hard at first because the stories you have been living will not want to go away right away.  You will have to make time to create new accounts and heal old ones.  I am learning how to rewrite the stories of my childhood.  I don’t want to remember all the sad times in my life, I want to create new ones where I found the love, the support, and the care I have always wanted. I am a creator, and I can create a much better memory.  If all I take from this life is memories, why wouldn’t I want to develop good ones?  If you knew that your memories followed you through each lifetime, which ones would you want to follow you?

It takes as much energy to live a life of depression as it does to live a life of happiness.

I am learning that pain is a compass and that if you ask why a lot, you will find the answers you are looking for inside of yourself. I am free to believe in me.   So those triggers that have you going off like silent alarms, where are they coming from?  Why are you reacting to them?  Ask WHY WHY WHY.  Are they past lies that are coming to the surface?  Are they hurt not healed in years?  Are you judging because you were taught to judge, is it really your belief or someone else’s belief??

I was taught to fear my own thoughts, and how dare I ask WHY.  I had to give myself permission to not feel guilty for asking why.  That’s so CRAZY!!  Yet that is what I was taught.  I was informed that I was to be quiet and not seen, I was taught that I am beneath others who are in power.  I am not to ask why but just follow the herd mentality!  WHY!!!??

At first, it seems so overwhelming and fantastical.  It becomes a personal battle with small victories when you see yourself shed off all the lies that you were told and taught. It feels good to let go of the dramas of others and stand up for your own well being. I am not ruled by any outside forces.  I owe nothing to others.   I am here to protect, love, honor, respect, forgive, and totally love myself first and foremost before anyone or anything else, so help me Spirit ( God).  Because I am, I can and I will!

If I am triggered, it is my job to ask why it is my duty to look deeper inside.  I am a warrior for my own well being, and I promise to fight for me!


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