Finding your way around the unlovable

How do we love the unlovable?  And what if our actions were one of the reasons we are surrounded with the unlovable?  I have been working on these thoughts for a while now.

Those who do not want to be love or are not willing to be loved or know how to be loved make life pretty hard. Those of us who know that love is the existence of this world, get mad at those who will not allow love to be.

Can’t they see that all that love that we want to give them will make their life more relaxed, and yet they won’t let us to love them?  Why? Is it that they have allowed their hurts to close their hearts and they do not want to allow others to love them or for them to love others?

Then there are those who have hurt us, so many times that we don’t want to touch them with a ten-foot pole let alone be around them.  But what if those who we have the hardest time loving are the ones who help us widen and deepen our hearts.  The love we find to love them teaches us how to have love for ourselves.  I have seen that I am a lot more lenient to others than to myself.

I do care and love very much, but there comes the point in life when you have to give up and walk away, or is there another way?  I can not find it in my heart to allow some people to ever get that close to me again, I do not like who I am around them. I have a hard time seeing myself become hard around others but we have to for survival.

How do we bypass the love we feel deep down and dream about, and settle for a just meritocracy that doesn’t make us feel seen, heard and speak that deep love we crave?  How can you feel when you have no one to feel those feelings with?

As we age do we find that the intensity we once felt goes away.  Do we settle for the regular, the routine? Do we call it Calm do we call it giving up?  When we become a certain age do we stop living with the vitality that we use to live when we were younger?

I am reading this fascinating book called Alchemy of the Heart by Elizabeth Clare Prophet. The Author tells you to stretch from your comfort zone by identifying the next stretch that will help you open your heart from your comfort zone.  Who or what are the messengers in your life that are asking you to stretch? What are they trying to tell you?  What must you do to make that next stretch?

So many questions and yet I haven’t a clue which is the right way to go.  If I listen to my own dreams, then I find a truce within myself, and I can be happy anywhere.  If I think too far into the future, I see a dismal existence.  If I look too far back, I think of all that I have lost.

What if that next stretching of the heart is walking away and allowing that person to go their own way.  I have heard you are supposed to take the path of least resistance, what if either choice is not the path of least resistance.  Sometimes we find ourselves reaching out for advice. I don’t believe in giving up, but when is enough enough?

It’s all very energy consuming, and I don’t know about you, but it gets really tiresome to keep stressing. I can only find my happiness here and now.  Today is the only thing that matters.  Kyle Cease said the other day, that no matter how exciting and fun yesterday was, or how much excitement you have planned for tomorrow today is the day you should be excited and enjoying.  I had a wonderful dear friend say the same thing.

Why do we feel we need to have power over others?  I believe that the real magic of love is not about gaining power over others but gaining power over yourself.

I want to allow others to be themselves and I wish that same respect.  Why then is it so hard for those who are unlovable to allow others to be loved. It really isn’t up to others!  I am seeing that it is up to me to decide on what I will do. I have the power to deal with anything that comes up in my life.  I do not need those around me to change what I can change in how to react to others.  It all comes down to how you want to feel about your life, today!

I am going to go out on a limb here today, I think that if you are in a relationship with someone who does not want to accept that love you want to share, it is time to let them go.  The only thing you will gain staying in this kind of relationship is heartache, sorrow, anger, resentment and missing out on a love that is waiting out there for you.

How do you move on?  There is an answer, you have to love you better, stand up for you more and look to that strength inside to help you move on.  I know I can change my resentment into a more loving approach.  When you find yourself feeling trapped assess the situation become aware of the stress, then ask yourself what fear is keeping you here in this situation.  When you become aware of the fear, you can defuse the problem you have created.

My biggest hang up with the unlovable is that I expect them to feel like I do.

The big problem there, to assume that someone is like you.

NO ONE is like ME!!

So even though I have found someone who does not think himself worthy of love, or has become so selfish in what he does that he doesn’t realize his actions are hard to love.  I will stretch my heart even more and find a way to still be the loving me.  By finding ways to be the giving and loving person I am, I can and will find a way to be loving towards me, for I know that has a domino effect.

Those that challenge us help us grow stronger in who we are.  We find the right internal spring of giving.  That giving of yourself to yourself.  You become a light in the darkness that either will help those who are unlovable find a way to love or will help to guide them away from that which they do not want to receive.  Either way, you stay true to you.  I am a student of the heart, and I love learning how to be a giver and receiver of more love.  What is your heart telling you to do today?


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