I haven’t been on for a while to write, I have had some pretty harsh healing crisis going on.  Just about the time, I think I may have things figured out I am once more finding a vast change coming upon me.  The world as you know it is always changing. I have a hard time with that at times.  I guess I figure once I get it figured out I can stop and rest.  Yet life is not that way.  It is always moving, evolving, changing and shifting.  And here is a question if you got it all figured out where would you go from there?  I guess death would be the next logical choice.

Since having to heal from all the mess the medical community has introduced me to, I have been in an uphill battle trying to find a normal in my life.  I have finally realized that there is no such place as normal.  When you think you have seen a state of normal, that’s when you have the most prominent reminders hit you that change is coming.  I am nor will I ever be normal, for the only normal you have is the normal, that is you.  There is no support group, guru, religion, prescription or social media app that will ever make you feel normal.  Only you have that power to find a normal that is in you, and no there will be no one like you.  SO I guess I will get familiar with my normal abnormal.

It can feel pretty lonely at times when you realize you are the only you out there.  Yet take heart, many of us are in the same boat.  We just have to be willing to be ok with diversity.

I thought that mind over matter was the answer to my all my wishes. I thought that just believing in thought I could change my world, and if I stayed positive, I would create the world I wanted.  Life is not that simple, but it is simple.  I know that sentence doesn’t make sense but stay with me here for a moment.  A belief is a thought that has been thought many times till it becomes a belief.  If we believe it. It becomes a belief.  I can see that, but if you try to think a thought that doesn’t reside with who you are then that belief you create can become a nightmare, even if it is a positive thought. Thought many times until it becomes a belief?  Then you are in a fight with a positive thought?

Example:  I will only think positive thoughts because if I think of a negative thought, it will bring that negative thing into my life.  The law of attraction only brings into my life what I feel not what I think.  So here I am practicing to have positive thoughts, or I will bring in negative things into my life if I don’t think positive. ..  Can you see the dilemma?? I begin to fight within myself trying to do what I think is right. 

Life is about living not living in fear of living.  Our minds can create fears we never thought to think, until we listen to outside ideas.  How about this thought… just be ok with all thoughts and go with the ones that make you feel good.  Turn off the other sources you are looking for help from and listen to your own inner guide.

I am back to studying homeopathic remedies, meditation and creating a sense of well-being.  I know that there are things I can use to help me find my way back to my sense of normalcy.  Different people do different things, some go to their doctors some go to church. Still, others find help in books, music, art, a walk in nature and the list goes on. Sometimes we need others to help us find our way back to who we are.  I love finding my way back to being just fun and happy old me.  I don’t want to change my ways, I want to find ways to enjoy the old ways that are me.

I know people who love to work out day in and day out it makes them feel normal, others like to be solitary and read book after book.  There is no one way to find your normal state of being.  I love plants, food, and homeopathic remedies.  They help me find my way back to well being.  My herbs, animals, home life help me feel like I belong in this world, they keep me be grounded in the present. I like who I am finding in me.  It has taken a long time to be able to say that.  I do not have to be like anyone but me.  I find that I still have a hard time letting go of trying to have others like me.  But each day it is easier and easier to let go of those who don’t want to know me the real me.

Fighting the shifts that life throws at us is the hardest thing for me to handle.  I have days I just don’t want to think, do or even be.  I am so tired of working my butt off trying to find a perfect place to feel.  I get so tired of trying to stay in a positive attitude other days I can’t stand being anything but positive.   Living is feeling all those feelings that come up, there is no right or wrong way of feeling life.  I like to go off in different directions, I don’t want a routine.  I want each day to just be.  If I want to do something I will if I don’t then I will sit and watch nature or listen to the fan on the refrigerator.  I am free to do as I wish.  I can be sick, depressed, angry, happy, joyful, energetic, grateful satisfied, ambitious, flighty, weepy, hormonal, loving, hateful all in a blink of an eye.  I can be all those emotions in a day, and I don’t want anyone to tell me that I shouldn’t.

When I start to look for answers outside of myself, I get all messed up.  I did that a couple of weeks ago.  I would wonder something and go to a mentor and look up the answers when it didn’t reside with me I get down on me.  If we do not connect with an answer that answer isn’t right!  If it doesn’t make us feel happy, help us feel our normal, help us feel relief then it is not what we are looking for.  I love this thought, if it doesn’t give me goosebumps, then I don’t do it.

I find that I am more confrontational here of late.  I am so tired of feeling like a doormat or feeling taken advantage of.  I have no patience for anyone who talks down to me.  I demand more respect, and I will not take on something that doesn’t matter to me, especially if it is someone one else’s problem that they want me to take care of.  It’s okay to mind your own business, it’s ok to put it down and walk away from it.  It is okay to give up and walk away.  It is okay!! Be okay with walking away from things you have no control over that is not yours to handle.   If you can do something about it, trust that you will!!

I feel like the changes I am going through now are making me a stronger advocate for myself.  I am dealing with some well-being difficulties with my health right now.  If I don’t take care of those things, I find that I am not able to deal with everyday life situations.  There is nothing wrong with putting everything on hold, going deep inside your own being and discovering what is happening. If you don’t you will get sicker.

How can your body communicate with you if you are to busy to listen?

It’s so easy to get lost in this world and allow ourselves to suffer unduly because we have shut our communication with the one and only person we need to be listening to.  If we are not looking to our bodies or spirit how can we help ourselves?  YOU CAN’T!

As I kept looking to more and more outside sources on what I was going through the worse, I felt.  I became overwhelmed, and my emotions were like a tornado.  I was so torn up over things that didn’t matter.  I felt lost, unmotivated to do anything.  I stopped eating well, I started to fight with everyone, I became despondent and worried about every little thing. I began to have nightmares, anxieties, I just wanted to sit down, turn up the tv and hide.  I could not handle any emotion without it being too loud to harsh too much.  Light became too much, sound too loud, pain worse than I had in a while.  My allergies became worse even with herbal remedies.  I felt entirely out of control of my emotions, body, and spirit, the more I tried to control the situations the worse I became.

I finally turned off everything.  The silence was almost too much to handle, I listened to the wind blow through the junipers.  I allowed thoughts to go like the wind, I became ok with all that I was going through.  I really listened to my body, I felt the disconnect first off.  I also could feel my body talking to me on a deeper level.  I could feel my body tell me it was not doing well, it was tired, heavy feeling, I was having widespread pain, that I could not find the cause of.  I was eating poorly again, so I knew that was not helping me.  I stopped the sugar cookies for Easter, I went on more water.

Still deeper I could hear my body tell me that since I had my hysterectomy, I was in desperate help for those hormones I was lacking.  My adrenals were shot, my thyroid was acting up, my body was desperate for help.  I decided to get more rest and prayed I would find a better way to manage my hormonal imbalances. I had heard of homeopathy medicine but had yet to study up on it.  The herbs I take have been helping, but I was just not finding the relief I knew in my heart was out there.

I found books and free online courses on Homeopathic medicine.  I have been reading and studying all I can on these beautiful natural helpers. I have been working on learning all that I can about Homeopathic medicine. I want to give my body the tools it needs so it can do what it knows how to do.  I don’t want to give my body things that will replace its normal function.  I want to help it do what it does best.  My body knows how to heal, to correct what I messed up. I want to assist not control what my body knows how to do if I allow it to.  Our bodies are remarkable and the body loves to be in well-being mode.  We just have to help by getting out of its way and giving it the goodies that will help it stay in a well-being state.

There is never a time I will know it all, there will always be better ways to help myself with the growth I am still encountering every day.  It is my job to get out of my way and follow my inner guidance.  It is okay to study other cultures, other ways of thinking, but remember to follow your inner thoughts and feelings. Always trust in yourself, and give those new thoughts some room to grow. In fact feel your way through those thoughts.

Drink plenty of fresh water, stop throughout the day and listen, look to the sky and daydream for 20 minutes, make peace with who you are, listen to your inner voice way more than you have been.  Enjoy the abnormal that is your normal.

WWYHS