I have many times reflected in my life this year. I live a lifetime each day. I have finally come to accept that instead of fight it. I am here to live fully understanding that I do and did my best with the knowledge I had. I invest in myself and find that the returns are much better and more significant. If I spend my time with others trying to make them happy, it is only because I am looking for a distraction from myself. It is not selfish to love thyself. First, it is necessary.
I am only here for a short time. This is not my base of operation, it is just a way station to learn and grow. I am not supposed to be perfect, and I am not to be the best. I am here to live with limitations. I am here to allow love to fight and work for me. I am pure energy, and those strengths are thoughts in motion. I am always in action.
It has been hard, and that is the way it is. I can be happy if I so was. I wasn’t expected to live a life or pain, but I wanted that path, and I am grateful for the lessons I have learned. I am thankful for those who have hurt me and taught me what I do not want. Life is difficulties, misfortunes, and glory. I am rewarded with memories and money spent on those times I have loved and shared.
This year I grew in leaps and bounds. I felt every victory and every folie. I have struggled with my limited fear-based thoughts. I have become best friends with my enemies and my sickness. I have walked in darkness and tasted pain and cruelty. I have come out on the other side, more compassionate for me. I am stronger for all that I have had to happen.
To worry is a waste of energy. Worrying means I am thinking of things that are not for me to be thinking about. I will not be troubled with others who are learning their lessons. I am there only to help them up when they feel they can not make it anymore. Life is about allowing, flowing, and letting go. I am not saying letting go of those things we care about; I am saying let go of those things you have no control over.
I have learned this year that I need to say no more often. I am such a people pleaser that I forget I can be my own worse enemy. It is ok to say no to those things that make you feel anxious or even uncomfortable. YOU have nothing to prove to anyone. Life is not being better than anyone else, it is learning to allow love to be your guide. If it feels wrong, it is wrong. You do not own anyone anything. I give because I want to, not because I should or have to.
That’s very hard!! I have such a hard time not wanting to do for others, especially when I have a gut feeling it will not be good for me. I am tired of doing things that make me feel bad or make me upset. Love dares to stand up for my thoughts, my feelings, my wants, my desires.
Shall I remind you, dearest, that the reason you care so much, sometimes even worry so much, is because there still exists between you and life, a passionate love affair?
And because of this, everything’s going to be just fine.
I am fortunate. I can see and hear the spirits, not all the time. Sometimes I get down and confused. Life feels like a massive boulder that I am carrying at a time. I feel alone most of the time as well. I care so much and worry a lot about this life. I feel like those who surround me are more aware of their routine in life than life its self. I fear for our Earth, the water we drink, the food we eat, the over vaccinations that are damaging our Children and grandchildren.
I have had to sit down with myself and tell myself that if there were any way, I could control these things, I would. I do my part in educating those who want to listen. I do all that I can to make nature my life’s goal. I can’t make others care! And I hate that and love that I hate that!
I am learning to go with my energies. If it doesn’t feel right, I don’t do it. I am terrible about doing what I feel is right instead of what I should do that doesn’t feel right. I was taught to work harder, not smarter. I think it makes us feel bad when we feel good. All my life I was taught to do the things I hated, or that were right by society’s standards, not what I feel in my heart. What we feel in our heart is the only way we should live. If it feels kind, sincere, and loving, we should do that. If we feel guilty, pressured, anxiety than we should run from it.
I am learning I am more energy than flesh; I am more than this human flesh. I am a spirit, and I have the power to know what I need. If I treat myself well, then I treat others well. If I feel pressured to be what I am not, then I find I am angry as well as sad and depressed. When I allow my energies to be pulled in too many directions, I become sick, bitter, angry, and then resentful.
Our life here on Earth is to be about us. We have others in our life that help us learn how to be better, not how to make their life better. It angers me I wasn’t taught that at an early age. If we could go back to where we lost our true self. Tell them it was ok not to do that which made us sad, or feel like we had disappointed ourselves for allowing. Look at how that ripple of self-love would have changed the way we deal with things that are not in our control.
How many times would you have told you that what you were feeling and doing was spot on and what you needed to do? I was so confused by the way my parents taught me. I was beaten for not doing it the way they thought I should have been doing things, instead of loving me and helping me to get where I needed. The family is those who come to us when we are hurt or broken and tell us they love us as they help us stand back up. Those who chastise you, ridicule you, or call you down do NOT LOVE YOU!
I have found that those who surround me will push me away and go back to those who hurt, embarrass or guilt them. They will go throw away love, joy and happiness because they were taught not to follow their heart. I have been guilty of this as well. I have thrown away the best, most loving people so I could do what I thought was proper. I will regret that when I have to think back about my life.
I do not regret what I have done. I regret what I have not done. To do something and ask for forgiveness is much better than having to ask permission. Our world is backward. We live in a state of dread, meritocracy, and depression instead of enlightenment and joy. We have no faith, and we live with no love. I live a safe life of no fun, no chances because I fear what will happen if I live a full life. There it is, the real reason for so many of us not living fully.
So the end of the year, the beginning of a new. My new Years awareness? I want to make mistakes, live fully. I will not ask permission, but I will pray for forgiveness when and if that time comes up. I will look for love and find it. I am tired of living a life of blah and want a life of spirit and joy. No one else can make that happen for me, only I have that power.
I wish you many blessing in this New Year’s Week. May you finally decide to live fully and with love.
WWYHS (What would your heart say)